You never thought your relationship would end up like this: you going to bed alone (again), and him staying up late to watch TV, play video games or just surf the internet. The passion is gone. Heck, even the like has taken a vacation. Your lives, which were once so connected, seem to have separated in this storm called life.
Maybe you argue all of the time. Or maybe your home is silent. Maybe you are unhappy. Or maybe complacency has taken hold of your hearts. The spark of intrigue is gone – the thirst for one another has been quenched. Now you are left to wonder, “Is my marriage headed in a downward spiral, ready to crash into the ground and break into a thousand tiny pieces?” Maybe, if you don’t start making some changes.
Is My Relationship In Trouble?
Only you can answer that question. But let’s be realistic here: every relationship can use some work. A tune-up once in a while can go a long way to keeping your relationship running smoothly. Keep in mind though, that when I talk about tuning up your relationship. I don’t mean “changing him.” Sometimes, the best thing you can do to add a little spark and get those engines revving again is to take a closer look at the role you play in your marriage.
Stop the Blame Game
It is easy to see your partner’s faults – and blame him for your feelings of dissatisfaction. This can be alone killer. Look deeper at yourself. What may be making you so unhappy? Are you lonely? Stressed? Overwhelmed by parental and work responsibilities? Maybe you are simply exhausted. These are all normal feelings and are good reason for the indifference in any marriage. But once you acknowledge what’s really sending you reeling, you can begin to look for ways to ease your dissatisfaction and rebuild the relationship you long for.
Accept Your Differences
Many women spend a lifetime trying to change their spouse to better fir their expectations. This makes you frustrated and him feeling worthless. Isn’t it time you acknowledged your differences and accepted them? After all, his little quirks are probably what attracted you to this guy in the first place. If they drive you crazy now, find ways to compromise, or at least take them less personally. Sometimes it really is about how you perceive him than anything he is doing wrong.
Acknowledge That He Doesn’t Think (or Feel) Like You Do
Women gauge the success of their relationships through emotion. This means that if a woman feels emotionally connected to her mate, she will feel good about her marriage. Men simply don’t look at it that way. They tend to compartmentalize all aspects of their lives into individual boxes. What bothers them in room #1 stays there; while women bring the angst and turmoil from room #1 into room # 2 and # 3. That’s why women tend to shy away from intimacy when they are feeling hurt or resentful. Your husband left a pile of dirty dishes in the sink or the garbage is overflowing in the kitchen can. You find it difficult to get turned on in the bedroom. He on the other hand, doesn’t let what you do (or don’t do) interrupt his libido. He isn’t thoughtless or uncaring; he has just learned how to separate these different aspects of his life. Instead of turning this personality trait into a negative; learn something from it – and him.
Breaking the Links That Separate
“He just doesn’t get it.” That may be something you say to yourself (and your girlfriends) on a regular basis. And you know what – he doesn’t. But that doesn’t have to kill your relationship’ unless you let it. The fact is that few men understand the important link between making their partners feel emotionally connected to them with love or even sex. It is this disconnect of ideas that cracks many relationships. Instead of trying to make him understand you, maybe it is time that you took the upper hand and worked to better understand him.
If you are feeling unloved and dissatisfied with your relationship, remember, those feelings may not be the sign of trouble that you think they are. To be perfectly honest, your marriage may not be in trouble at all. Once you learn how to better read your partner and understand how he gauges the health of your relationship, the better able you will be to see things more clearly – and work on the things that need work while enjoying what’s working well.
Yes, working on your relationship starts with you.